Another year ending...

It's the end of 2010.
 It's so strange. It's gone already, just one day and a half left. I cannot believe that. I think that when you become older your years start speeding uncontrollably. Or may be it's just you pay less attention, not many things excite you as before, not anymore. There is not much wonder in your life. Days are just passing by - one by one, one by one. Monday-Friday, then weekend,  another weekend job, then Monday again. If you had more money you could go somewhere, to a different place, where time may be goes slower, may be people are not in such a hurry to do things as they are here in Canada. Rushing, pushing each other, arguing sometimes or just silently looking at you as if you are not here.
Well, I don't want to be here, I just do not have another place to  go. It's my home now, guys, my place to live. Home. I am dreaming of buying my own place but it's still such a far away dream. I absolutely forbid myself even to think about it now, because it is so fruitless, so depressing. I know I have to work on my dream, but it's like a mirage - the closer you are trying to come to it, the more dim and unrealistic it becomes, just like a real mirage...
 I know I need some push, some motivation. I do not want to end up in somebody else's basement and call it my home, I just cannot afford right now to buy anything. Not here in Toronto, not anywhere... It drives me crazy and I am trying not to think about it.
 I will think about New Year's holidays, couple of free from work days that I am going to have. I still can go to some places in Toronto and may be see something I've never seen before. It's a big town and you surely can find some interesting places to visit.
Bye-bye year 2010!You were not very bad, but I am glad you are over. I will look for something better in my life in 2011, I had some bad moments in this one, don't want to repeat that.
December gives me blues but I am not giving to succumb to that. No blues. Tomorrow is my day off and I will enjoy that and have some treats and some nice homemade dinner, not much appetite though, but I'll think of something, something that everybody will like maybe. Maybe not.

Green energy, I hear about it a lot, but why?

Everybody talks about it -

 green energy. http://www.planetfriendly.net/energy.html

But nobody explains it. Is it just a dream, or political talk for important people to get involved, to shed some money, especially if it is not coming from your pocket?

What is going on? How can my energy be green?

Personally I think solar and wind energy are not efficient yet. They are still in a process. Otherwise everybody would be doing it, but we are still holding the gas pump at the gas stop, and the price on it is climbing steady. I've been thinking and this idea is totally mine. Nobody told me anything and I've never told anybody about it. You'll be the first to know. And don't tell me I am stupid, or crazy, I don't like it and it is not polite.

Well, may be I am a little bit stupid and crazy, but it is not nice to say that anyway. My idea is very simple. We pump oil and gas out, right? And it is everywhere -  the process goes non stop. And we are looking for more, other places to pump it out. We need it, a lot of it, gas and oil in some form. Well, after we've emptied the place, it might be filled with something else inside the ground, this cavern has to be filled with something, some other gas or hot air hasn't it? It is not going to stay empty there. We have plenty of hot stuff inside, http://pubs.usgs.gov/gip/dynamic/inside.html , it is really hot inside our planet Earth.

What if all that stuff comes out into our empty spaces we created and fills them up and escapes and warms our planet? Here goes our global warming, what do you think? It's just an idea, don't be mad at me.

And don't call me, I'll call you, okay?

At the end of the year we remember...

This year is coming to its final month. As usual we think about Christmas celebrations, gifts, turkey etc. We remember about letters we still have to write, calls to make, friends we forgot to write to for a year and now we feel like it's now or never. We still have to find time for that.

I dream about Christmas lights and decorations of my childhood. In my country it was just New Year's celebration, but we still had a fur tree decorated with glass balls and plastic toys, with snowflakes and candles, small one made especially to put on a tree and foil serpentine, lots of it.
 I remember that big tree, richly decorated standing in my room. How nice it was to go to bed and see in the dark mysteriously alien and wondrously familiar tree, all that sparkle and little jingling of the tree toys on it when somebody would pass by it touching it slightly. You go to bed and wake up with that wonderful smell of holiday and presents, with hope and promise that never realised but was so pleasant to anticipate.
You wait for a miracle of something wonderful, something amazing but at the end nothing wonderful happens and you are still happy with all that holiday glamor and light and smell and taste of Christmas candies and nuts, and home made cookies. Lots of treats, lots of modest presents, that can fill your heart - small child's heart with joy and gratitude and hope. Something you'll never forget. Something that stays with you into your adulthood. Something that you see in the eyes of you children on a Christmas Eve. Something that makes our life worth living.
Happiness is made of little things and this is one of them.

Beautiful places, nice climate, different countries, we want them, but do they want us?

I 've been reading that blog, a nice one,  that tells all about different countries where you can retire and live so frugally and nice on 600 dollars a month.Nicely written with great knowledge of a subject. It's a very tempting suggestion. But I am not sure that it is an appropriate one. Of course if you know the culture, the language, traditions, way of life and have dollars to the bargain that could give you a tremendous advantage in view of low local currency exchange. I remember I went to my old country for a visit. I had a good lunch that cost me one dollar. I thought it was nice, but ...  If you come to the country and you have nobody there of your kin, you don't know the language, culture, traditions and you'll be outsider for the rest of population, probably even unwelcomed one. An alien.
I did not experience a lot of discrimination when I came to Canada. But I remember one lady told me,"You came (she meant immigrants) and took our jobs." She blamed me as an immigrant of taking a job from them - non immigrants, local people. And the general policy in Canada is very welcoming towards immigrants. Imagine yourself in a country where every foreigner is an intruder and people openly say so and as soon as you 've learned their language, you understand that. May be they are not going to tell you openly that but they'll try to get advantage, to discriminate you, to cheat you, to steal from you when they can. So no matter how beautiful and friendly this country looks for you - be careful it is still not your country, not the one you know, and used to. Their government might be progressive too - more or less, but they might change that in a flash and a new one might be not so friendly and will kick you out, our just take away everything you have from you, because it is their land and you are an intruder. And tell me, that I am not right. You cannot do it, because I am right. I do not expect any great revolution here in Canada or radical changes in the government, or that people will go on the streets and starts shooting each other, but in other countries it might happen and happens every day in the 3rd world countries. So should I go and risk stability and not very easy and quite stressful life here for the unknown there? I don't think so. But I am immigrant already, I made my choice. What about you? You are still want that adventure, that chance? Well, it's your life, what can I say. Just don't say I did not warn you.

Our worldly goods, do we need them?

All our worldly goods. We have them around us. Our worldly goods, we are used to them. We inherit some of them. We buy and collect the others. We argue and quarrel about some of them with our relatives (this clock my great grandmother promised to me - it's mine). We fight for them in court with our angry spouses and hate our siblings who deprived us from them. We need them, they are part of our life.

We work really hard to accumulate them (I need that dining table, sofa, chair, curio cabinet, etc.) We sink into credit card debt and bankruptcy for them. Sometimes they take over our life, sometimes they detach us from reality and we become hoarders. I know a woman ( and she is not poor, far from it), who washes plastic caps from water bottles sold at grocery stores in a dishwasher and keeps them in a kitchen drawer sorted by size. She washes and collects bottles too.

I am not sure what is cheaper - to buy reusable container or to run dishwasher all day. I am sure they are not meant to be washed and reused and probably leak some chemical stuff when heated. I don't know. I personally think that my time is more important. I better have some rest and drink boiled tap water.

And for kids I use just water that is sold in plastic bottles but I never bother to reuse them. If they are dirty I just throw them away. My life is more important to me. I can use my time better . I can read a book, talk to my kids, cook something nice, or just have a much needed rest.

We need it in our crazy contemporary life, we should not be slaves to our lifestyle, to our goods, our worldly goods. In real life we do not need that much. As a matter of fact we need very little. Some food. Good night sleep. Clothes to wear when it is cold. Shelter when it is raining. A human hand to touch. A should to cry on when life is too hard on us. A healthy voice of your child on the telephone.

The rest - just things to collect dust upon them. We don't really need them, trust me. http://www.worldsstrangest.com/mental-floss/suffer-from-disposophobia-these-7-famous-hoarders-did/

What do we really pay for a cheap stuff?

Another side of economy. Economy and frugality are in fashion nowadays. We all want to save money, to buy cheap. We do not want to waste our money, but... There is one small problem: what in reality do we pay for cheap things?

Here is one personal example. Recently (in April to be exact) I was moving and decided to buy some new furniture. My old bed was falling apart and my son needed a dresser. I managed to save some money. So I went to the local furniture store and bought a bedroom set, quite a bargain. I paid $500 plus tax for a bed (with a mattress), 2 dressers, two night tables. Super deal. One dresser I gave to my son and another without a mirror I used as an extra storage for small household things. I found a good use for small night tables too.

But was it really a bargain? Half a year later, what do I have? My mattress is nothing but springs sticking into my ribs at night, screaming:"we are want out, we want out!" Plastic handles from my dresser break on touch, sides are wobbly and falling off the base.

So basically now, 6 months later I again need a dresser and a bed. I wasted 500 dollars, I've bought a cheap bargain, that is not a bargain, but a piece of sh***.

Should I have saved more money to buy more expensive but better stuff? How much better? It's still made in China. It's still not wood but some pressed wood-by product. Who's gained in this case? Is it good for economy? A lot of garbage that looks real, that we are buying and throwing away together with money we've spent on it and buying again and throwing away again. Is it just a furniture? I am afraid not. Same with clothes and kitchen gadgets and other things that are good for nothing. Things that you buy, use for a short time and throw away as completely useless.

Is it how our economy going to prosper from now on? We work, spend our money on worthless things, throw them away , work again, buy things again.

Should our progress teach us something? Why can't we have cheap and good things, things that are convenient and last for a long time. Can I still buy a coat and wear it for 5 years and look nice in it even after 5 years of wearing? Or boots that last more than a year? Can I have furniture, that I can leave to my children in my will? A car that's still works perfect after 5 year lease? Why do we need that constant buying and spending money? Can somebody answer that? Hello-o-o-o! I am waiting.

TTC, do we need it? Do we need it the way it is?

I don't understand this. Is this the economy, or just me? I an not becoming any younger. I do not have high hopes for a good, well-paid job or successful business, I have to stick to what I have. And the reality of my life is: I do not have a lot. I have a minimum paid job and another one I have to endure.
And I still cannot afford a lot. I cannot have a car. I cannot eat what I want and buy things I need, when I need them. Car looks pretty much like a necessity in a big city like Toronto. I don't think it's right. I think that at least in big cities we should rely more on a public transportation. It could be more convenient, practical and economical for many people who have to buy that darn thing because they do not have a choice.
Look around - in the morning we see hundreds of cars around, wasting gasoline, polluting the atmosphere and carrying ... one maximum two persons in it! That much trouble, gas, car insurance just to carry one person to work? Think about it.
I think it's a biggest and most wasteful and completely out of hand madness. How many people live in so called residential areas, where you are so far from any store, or mall, or anything? You don't even have a designated pedestrian path. If you need a napkin or salt or whatever, you are supposed to open your garage, take out your car and go to the store! Add the price of gasoline you've spent to buy a lighter or a box of matches or a screw driver, or a can of cat food! Tell me about living green after that, about frugality and economy! What a stupid joke.
By the way. I was standing on a bus stop for 20 minutes today, waiting for that dam**d bus to go to work, with other people who are "stupid" enough not to have a car. The bus came full to the brim. Luckily for me the driver let us to get in, well, some of us.
It vividly reminded me about my old country. We had to get to work like that, as if we were sardines in a can, neatly packed inside. But my country had been tinkering with socialism for almost 70 years. To see this in Canada just does not sound right.
May be our authorities should better sell our TTC to some 3rd party? May be we 'll be actually able to sit on a bus and come to work on time? Though there might resurface another problem: how much we'll be paying for our comfort in that scenario? Answer that question if you can.

A girl with a Coke bottle...

Image:Cocacola-5cents-1900.jpg licensed with PD-US

It was an ordinary morning. Just a regular working day. I was taking my usual bus route to work - not a complicated one. I go to Keele/Finch intersection and then 4 stops from there take me to my work. On a good day(or empty pocket) I can actually walk home from my working place, I do that sometimes, when I feel like it. If there is no rush and weather is good, I can be home in 40 minutes, not bad for a big city, distance-wise.

But my story is not about my healthy life style. On that day while on a bus, I noticed a girl. She was probably my kids' age, give and take. Young, she could even be pretty, if not for her gross overweight -400 or 500 pounds she was, I don't know.

What really upset me - she was sitting there drinking Cola from a 500 ml bottle. I was looking at her but I could not say anything, not in Canada, not on a bus full of people. I could not just come close to her and tell her that she was killing herself by drinking that stuff.

She was siting there drinking exactly what was a no-no to her, because with every sip she was adding to her weight and health problems.

If she is going to consume that stuff, she'll continue to grow bigger until she is bed ridden and helpless and very sick, and she probably does not see the connection.

In 12 oz of cola there is 40 gr of sugar, about 8 tsp of sugar. http://http//www.askipedia.com/askipedia-article-006-219.htmIf you drink one can of cola for a year, you'll consume 65 pounds of sugar. What do you think it will do to your system?

Do you seriously think that you can play with your health like that and get away with it? Lots of sugar make this drink highly addictive, and you'll be craving that drink over and over again.

We bust marijuana growing, but drinking coke is legal and Coca-Cola company is flourishing. Is there any sense in that? Or is just me, stupid immigrant, who does not understand the divine wisdom of successful business?

Who cares about your personal health, we have plenty of young and eager doctors to help you with your medical problems and lots of medications to prescribe to you.

I think same as with credit cards we need a wake up call with our food industry.

There is a saying in my old country:"We don't see forest bend the trees." Exactly, we don't see it here.

We don't see that our children can stay healthy and all we need to do is just a little effort - just take out poison from our shopping carts, that's it.

And when we'll do that - companies like Coca-Cola we'll be out of food industry too - for good.

Is it involuntary conspiracy or what? - Our teachers.

I am thinking, why don't our wonderful teachers teach us at school main basic skills of survival in this modern and complicated and stressful world?

This civilised world (and I will be talking just about the civilised part of it) full of things to do and to consume, to buy and to sell; things to make us happy, things to make us sick and kill us. Should we know how to navigate in this world successfully, without being lost in these urban jungles? We have to know mathematics and how to read and write, chemistry and geography, it goes without saying. But how about life skills? How about the ability to earn money? To have some classic education is not enough for that.

Should we know how to stay healthy, how to avoid poisoning our bodies and eco-system, how to be happy and prosper, and not to worry too much about unimportant things. We need to know in our stressful world how to survive without stress and depression, how to stay away from needless suffering and financial ruin, from failed relationship, from poverty .

Why some people can make it and prosper in this world and why others live in tears and misery? I am sure we all can do it successfully, we just need the right skills, life skills. We need just basic elementary lessons at school. Some basic life education is definitely missing from our curriculum.

"If I knew this 10 years ago..." If only I knew better..." But we did not. And sometimes it's too late. And sometimes we never know.

And sometimes society we live in just does not let us know or does not allow us to do this and that. And sometimes we are just not cut for it.

The world around us is changing rapidly. Jobs are more demanding and less in quantity.

Harder to find. Prices, inflation are out of this world. We still need to eat and live somewhere, to get somewhere we need transportation. We need to go faster and more skillfully. We need new ability to handle things. The East creates a new leader in economy - we have to adjust to that too.

We have to start teaching our children a few skills of survival in this world, not just pet and pamper them till they are 16 years old and full of drugs, infantile ambitions, inflated self esteems, computer games and absolute inability to survive, when desperate parents kick them out of the house into this vast and unfriendly world. They live on the streets with no place to go, no skills to use, other than stealing and prostitution. To spend 10 -11 years at school and be unable to make a living. Any kind of living! Isn't it pathetic? I think so.
12 years at school and all you know about life is how to use drugs? Or beg on the corner? You do not need any education for that!That means, we, parents and teachers, failed at one point. We do not deliver necessary skills, really necessary, that can protect our children and help them to survive. They really need that.

Back to the drawing board...

Well, I cancelled Distributel, with regret I should say, because I really needed a cheaper Internet connection, but their speed is too slow in comparison with Rogers. They were giving me 2Mb and Rogers 7Mb. I was afraid to lose some functionality on my computer.

I do not want a bad service, I want a good one.

Rogers is good. They just too darn greedy, they want us to pay for everything. I do not even want to try Distributel, because then it will be hassle to cancel and order again and question is open still: what should I order and what should I get for my money?

Distributel very decently returned my deposit without any delay and they earnestly told me about their speed, so I cannot complain. I just don't know, where should I go with my question and I still do not want to pay Rogers extra for my bandwidth.

It's enough, that they've caught me with that telephone contract for a year. I cannot cancel that without paying fines. Very smart move, Rogers. One more loyal customer for you, congratulations! May be I should join http://www.ihaterogers.ca/ as I am not the only one who is a"happy" customer of Rogers.

I am sure, that for the money they are charging us, they could at least educate us, stupid customers, sending us some informative brochures, explaining us how to use our connections to our advantage, what we need to have and why. Instead they make their plans large and complicated, but how many customers really understand, what they are paying for? Then they could really have loyal customers.

I hate wasting money and with this new technology I feel lost in space. I cancelled my cable TV, but now I am charged for bandwidth, I am not even sure what it is and how to measure it, but I am paying for it and it irritates me immensely.

I hate feeling stupid, but I do feel like that. Every time I try to save some money, I am getting something else to pay for. Is it my fault? Should I just use dial-up for my Internet connection and be happy with it? Am I missing something? Or am I just turning into informational junky and I need the Internet connection 24 hours a day like a dope for a real junky? May be yes, may be no.

I know that $100 a month turns into a thousand+ a year and I have to earn those money before I spend it. I better spend it good. So back to the drawing board... who's next on line to be my Internet provider?

How I ordered a new Internet connection or...

...what's my mothers maiden name?

You might ask me: what is the link between Internet and my mother's name? I can tell you: it is very important to know it, because if you forget it, how you are supposed to get a new Internet connection or telephone line?

I am tired of good old Rogers. I've had it for 10 years I think(the Internet connection), and now with new technologies and companies, I need something new too, because old Rogers charges me more and more on top of it's current plan and other companies promise to give you more, at least it looks like it.

After some thinking and "googling"I called to Distributel, http://www.distributel.ca/ as they advertise unlimited bandwidth. Don't ask me , what it means, I do not know. Tried to learn, still don't know. Beyond my understanding, too stupid, I guess, technologically challenged, to be polite. But never mind. The fact is if it costs less, I'll take it. I need to save some money, at least money, that I do not have, because money that I have, well, not enough for anything.

Okay, to make long story short, I ordered their service on July 29 by phone. Today is August 5 and I am still waiting for somebody somehow to show up. Please, guys, show that you are genuine. Do something. Connect something to something, so I do not have to call you every day and diligently tell you my mothers name.

Are you absolutely sure, that you need to ask me it every day?

I've paid you already, just come,please.

No, life is not that simple. I have to call them again, today.

It's like a secret game, I just have to know the rules. I will call them and they will ask me my mother's name, as it is very important for them to know.

Do you want to know it too? No way! I cannot tell it. Its a very important secret between me and Distributel, ask them.

I already paid them $130 dollars for the right to ask me every day when I call them my mothers name. I hope one day they will get tired of asking me that, or may be they will remember it at last and just will come and connect me to a cheaper version of Internet.

I really and truly need it. Cross my heart, and hope to die, no kidding.

Is poverty a bad word?

Yes, I think it is. It feels like a weak, helpless sort of a word.
There is so much desperation and helplessness in it.
Poverty.When you are poor there is no way out, you are at the bottom of social ladder, at the bottom of everything. You are a looser. You feel like one, an you expect people to feel the same. People are polite in this country, they are not going to laugh in your face, to call you names or anything.
They politely turn away and pretend that they don't see you, that they are not embarrassed by your poverty.
Poverty is especially badly felt when you see so many people around, who look prosperous and happy, with nice new cars and rich looking houses. They have businesses and money, they are not poor. You subconsciously or consciously feel envy.
You think: why me? Why am I poor,without money and hope, without future?
It's easier I think when you grow in poverty, you don't know anything better.
I wonder sometimes: how does it feel when you've lost millions suddenly and you don't have anything?
Do you feel like a poor person, or not? Is it a matter of tolerance, tolerance to stress and disaster?
Can you handle a big loss if you are accustomed to move around, to manipulate big money? Well, I never had a lot of money, but I know how poverty feels and I don't like it a bit. I prefer comfort and money. At least some comfort and some money, if you please.
I don't imagine living in a shelter or without running water or shower is all about poverty, though I lived like that in my old country for many years, but never considered it a norm. There is no norm in indignity. I never could get used to it, or accept it.
I will probably will be struggling to maintain that level dignity as long as I live and hopefully I will never see my extreme poverty in this rich country, it would be extremely unfair.
Though who knows? They say in my old country:"you can't claim your stake against prison or poverty."
I guess when you came to a new country with nothing but holes in your pockets, you have to run pretty fast to outrun the ugly toothless face of poverty, smirking at you from all corners of your life. But so be it. I am not going to complain.
I am still running.http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poverty_threshold

What do you have to lie about if you immigrated to Canada?

Every year about 250,000 permanent residents come to Canada. Sometimes more, sometimes less.

New immigrants come to seek old things: better life, more money, something better for themselves and their children.

Most of them are not rich. They saved some money, they are qualified to come and live in Canada, but most of them still facing on of the biggest problems: finding a job.

For me it was never a problem to find a job in my old country, but when I came to Canada and became immigrant, everything changed. Nobody needed me there.

To make things worse we moved to a small town south of Hamilton and there a middle aged immigrant woman with a thick European accent that betrayed you right away, without local experience and local education was completely out of place...

The worst thing was that nobody told me anything. I was walking around trying to find a job in all wrong places, places that would never in a million years hire me because they have a lot of qualified people with Canadian experience, who is eager to take the position: just pick and choose. But they never told me that and I continued to walk around, to send my resume, trying to get noticed, to get an interview.

And they would invite you , polite listen to you and very politely tell you that they will call you next week as soon as they would make a decision. And you sit and wait and they never call, because they never intended to call anyway.

That faceless politeness was more damaging than real rudeness.

It took me quite a while before I realised how everything worked, what unemployment meant to a reluctant immigrant, to any immigrant for that matter.

I was not better or worse than anybody else. It's just every employer tried to hire the best and I definitely did not fall into that category.

I needed a lot to learn. Well, if I was alone without a family, I would have left for sure and went to a big city, like Toronto, to get more chance and more experience, but I had to consider my family so I had to stay. I tought it would be better, I was wrong...

We bought a house, kids were going to school. I spent 10 long years in a small town of Brant county, without a job or education, reluctantly. Of course I was busy, helping my kids, my husband's business. Helping, helping, helping... Nothing to myself.

Finally I got some job at Tim Horton's. I had to lie about my education. I did not put on my resume that I was a University graduate, you do not need that to serve coffee and donuts, that's for sure. I learned that in order to get any small job, you have to go down, you have to forget a lot of stuff that you know in order to earn some money. You have to lie.

Now I am in Toronto. With my present employer I did not have to lie about my education.

May be because I work for a company, that was created by my compatriots, who needed me with all my education and more. But sometimes I think: what if I tried to get the same job but in a similar Canadian company, were all my bosses were Canadian born people, would I've been hired, especially if I did not lie about my education? Probably not.

Reluctant immigrant: socialism and welfare, view on unemployment.

In my old country and I should remind my kind reader, that I am from former Soviet Union, living in Canada now. In my old country there was no welfare, no unemployment. Under socialism of course, not afterwards, after it fell apart. May be Gorbachev pushed it down a little bit faster, may be not. I don't know. I am not a politic. Just an ordinary person. If there are bread and butter in the store I will buy it. If not, I go by...

In my old country under socialism everybody was entitled to a job and everybody had one, no unemployment, unless you are too old or too young to hold one - you have a job. If you are really sick and cannot work - you will get a small pension. To survive on that pension - is another story.

But when you are dead your problems are dead too, so it's a solution in away and your well-meaning relatives can help you to survive if they have means to do that.

Here in Canada there is unemployment. In 2005 we had 1,679,800 people collecting welfare.

I do not think that numbers have cringed since then. Five years ago my middle son was working. Now he is not. He is getting welfare. He is sitting at home fully depressed on a medication, lost all drive to get up and go, and he is not even trying.

I think that feature of socialism - absence of unemployment is really good, as it eliminates fear of loosing your job, loosing your means of existence. When you are working you are connected to the world, you do not feel worthless, stupid, you fell needed. I wish we had something more elaborate, than welfare. Some kind of job replacement, if you understand what I mean. When you have to work, may be a manual job, may be primitive one for you paycheck. Sort of workfare, not welfare. Until you can find a better job.

You have to do something if you are not a complete invalid and can do something with your arms and legs. Not just getting miserable money and feeling bad about it. And may be we should teach at school more survival skills, to learn how to live without “things” and how to be flexible in difficult times.

We should help people to relocate to different places, with more chances to find a job, teach children how to cook well on a small budget, how not to waste money.

If you live on a very limited budget, may be you better sell your car and rent the cheapest apartment possible, or rent out part of your own place to somebody else and DO NOT SMOKE! You cannot afford that.

Well in this slack economy we need some sort of socialism, just a little bit. Like free medical help, when you need and possibility to find a job when you need it. Is it too much to ask?

I don't know, I am just a reluctant immigrant and I still have a job, thank you.

Suddenly unemployed,what should you do in Toronto, Ontario ?

First of all do not panic! It's bad, it's unpleasant, it's unpredictable, but it can happen to anybody.

Lost job is not the end of the world; you'll get another one. You should and you will, - it all depends on how badly you need one.

As I said: do not panic. Check your finances.

Ideally you should have some savings at least for a couple of months. Okay, if you still have some money and can pay your rent, mortgage, bills, car insurance - fine. Take a deep breath, have some rest for a couple of days, and start writing your resume - you’ll need it as soon as now.

Call people you know and get some referrals.

Call people you hardly know you might get some referrals too if you ask. You never know.

Once I was looking for a job. Suddenly a person called who knew my husband from ancient times to find out how he is doing, and after a brief conversation I asked for a referral for myself.

And you know, I actually got one.

I was invited for an interview, I did not get the job but I've got a chance.

If you do not have any financial cushion whatsoever - try to find a job fast (lot's of resumes, calls to organizations that are hiring don't be shy - there is nothing to lose.

If your prospects too slim you need to find ways to make some fast money - to sell something or simply downgrade. Try to find a temporary job through employment agencies or sell something valuable if you have, for quick cash.

At http://www.kijiji.com/ there are always some general labor jobs, worth considering.

Cleaning services for women and landscaping, security for men – why not?

Babysitting or telemarketing – it’s all good, when you do not have any money.

“AP Personnel” – Employment Agency on Steeles, I do not remember the exact address.

It's between Keele and Dufferin St. on Steeles West.

Girl by name Iris is a very nice person there (if she is still working there) and might help you. She helped me all right and I held a job for almost a year through this agency and a short one later. It was a manual, low paid job, but who cares, I needed one to pay my bills.

If you know somebody who speaks Russian, you can get some telephone numbers from Russian newspapers. They publish some job openings through agencies and carry ads directly from employers, and I found my current job through an ad in the Russian newspaper.

Unfortunately I cannot recommend any Russian agency (they all speak English by the way)right now, because so many of them closed their doors due to lack of jobs and slack economy.

You have to realize that your situation is not unique and everybody can be in your unemployed shoes.

At least we have welfare in Canada and you are not going to live on a street hungry and abused if you chose not to. But you have to be careful and exercise all options and don't wait for a job to fall from sky. It usually never happens in real life only in some Hollywood movies. And do not be too choosy, grab anything to survive, better job will come later, but you have to eat now. Am I right?

Overpiced opportunity with no money for you.

Who are most MLM members- crooks or maximus ignoramus - just brainwashed confused people? And if you want to become a MLMer, what category are you going to refer yourself to? Okay, let's begin with ignoramus part.
You are invited to join a program, company, meeting. You come open minded willing to learn. You get a lot of information, none of it can be confirmed, it’s just a word of mouth (of your upline).He is the person , whose income directly depends on your participation and he has to convince you to join and to spend as much money as possible on this opportunity.
Even if the main product of this company is not a scam, if it is really good, in order to pay the commissions, bonuses, what not, it has to be overpriced and it usually is.
And its uniqueness and benefits of using usually are overly exaggerated and overestimated . Recently in a Chinese (I should say Eastern) Supermarket I noticed a bottle of Noni juice - $4.50 for a bottle.
I remembered the MLM I tried to participate in, where you have to pay 75 bucks for a bottle to distribute.
$75 for bottle of a juice? Who is going to buy it? - Some schmuck or completely confused and brainwashed person, hypnotized with perspective of big bucks, if he would manage to find another schmuck to buy into the program.
The juice has to do miracles, but the miracle is way too expensive!
Recently a new MLM company emerged on the market. It sells American silver coins.
Okay, it is something that sounds better than a juice, but still. What's the point of buying a coin that costs $90 plus shipping and handling, when you can buy the one for $20 and enjoy it just the same? Why, we always try to save money, but not in MLM?
As soon as we joined the MLM clan ,we are closing our eyes and just shedding our money left and right regardless.
Is it a mass hypnosis? I am curious.
I want an opportunity to make money without buying next to useless overpriced products, and I do not want market the C-R-A-P (sorry, let's call spade a spade). As one marketing lady told me: Why you are so worried? Just dump the f* product, it's just $25. Look at the OPPORTUNITY!

I am tired to be poor...

I am very-very tired to be poor. To think about money every day. Of what I should or shouldn't buy. Of what I want and cannot have.

May be it's not fair. Not fair towards people who are living on the streets right now and do not have a place to go or somebody to talk to. Who is sick and scared and abused.

I still have my job and place to live and I am not hungry.

But is it enough to a human soul? Just shelter and food and nothing else? Do I have to be content with that or go for something else?

The problem is I do not know how.

How to free myself from fear and dependancy on my everyday's toil ?

How to obtain some freedom to do what I want?

Is it really possible, or is it just a hopeless fantasy of an overworked individual?

Somebody told me: you have to be born in this country. I am not, sorry.
Does it mean that I have to work hard all my life with nothing to show?
Is it a punishment for being an immigrant,a reluctant immigrant? I don't know. I know I cannot come back. This is my home, my country, my destiny.
I am still alive and still looking for something, something that can feed my soul and give me more meaning to my life. I am still looking...

The Spring and new ideas

The Spring is here. It's such a lovely time in Canada!
After long cold windy nasty period, suddenly everything is bright and blooming. Gentle rain washes the pavement, making everything look bright new.
I finally moved from my old place. This new apartment is new indeed. The management made a complete renovation, everything shines and my only wish is to have less noise as my new apartment goes close to main intersection of Keele and Sheppard and traffic never stops there. Big city never sleeps but I do, and sometimes I have to make tough decision at night: fresh air of the noise. If I am too tired I shut my bedroom window but no fresh air then...
Well life is not perfect, but we have to try and make the best of it. I wish I had more time to do things I like, unfortunately it's not the case. I have to be creative and find some time to learn new things because old ways to work and sustain yourself are not efficient nowadays, I have to find something else.
Now I am really interested in network or affiliate marketing, but the learning curve is quite challenging when you have to work 6 days a week with lots of chores on the 7th. But is it something new for a reluctant immigrant? Isn't it something that I usually do: lots of work and little rest? Well, stop complain, old girl, and get on with your choirs. Faster you finish - more free time for yourself. Very simple formula.
I guess I have to go. I come back when I will find the network marketing that I think will suit me, well I will tell you anyway about my findings. So long!

I am tired...

I am s-o-o-o-o-o tired. I moved. I cannot believe I did that.

I was contemplating to do that for 4 years(!), yes. I am like a scared cat, afraid of changes. May be I am sick of changes. I am clinging to what I have vs what I might loose. If it makes sense. Or may be I am just like an old cat who likes his dirty sofa in a dark corner...

Anyway, I did that. My new apartment bright and clean, my new home. Well, it's rented, but it's mine and I love it. A little bit small, well, not a little. But freshly renovated and bright.

Windows go south, so it will be probably hell - hot in summer. It's okay.

Most of my days I spend at the office with air condition at work anyway.

I still have my old stuff with me and my two cats. They are adjusting too.

And my two kids (though not kids, but for a mother her child is always a kid) still with me. There is a certain comfort to know that somebody still needs you. I would hate to come home to an empty space, though one day I probably have to face it, but not now, and I am happy about it.

I ditched my cable TV, I will try to live without it, and to save some money, and ditch my second job, so I can have some days for myself or for some Internet ventures may be.

I want to spend more time doing some creative work and write something more useful and share some ideas with others.
I see new MLMs being created, I am interested - just do not havetime to investigate. Well, it's life. You have to be patient. You have to be grateful for whatever you have already and just exercise your options however small they might me.
It's your fate, fate and virtue of a reluctant immigrant, a penniless one for sure.

What's new in a new millennium?

We've come into the new millennium with a wonderful invention - Internet. And same as with the invention of a wheel or electricity or automobile our world will never be the same. It is changing rapidly as we speak.
Internet is not a luxury – it’s a powerful tool, a necessity. Not everybody is having it yet, but everybody is coming to understanding of necessity to have it.
Internet gives us immense possibilities. It supplies us with answers, it teaches us and helps us in everyday life. It educates us. It gives us the power of communication as never before. And it unites us.
We are still paying exorbitant prices for cellphones and convenience of it but Internet connection brings as something that is affordable fast and promising. We can talk to the whole world and get response and we do not have to pay arm and leg for that. Technology is there. All it needs just a little bit of a fine tuning, just more knowledge for a regular user and voila, - no more borders or restrictions unless somebody invents it to prevent us to use it freely as we should do, as we have a right to do.
It's so wonderful, I do not even have words for it. Thanks, technological geeks, thank you all who contributed to it. I cannot imagine my life without Internet. It's like a whole new world right at your desk, like a universe of knowledge and wisdom from the entire world.
Another thought. We have year 2010 and think about it: we did not have a world war since 1945, it's amazing.
May be as a civilization, we've learned something. May be we will be able to stop killing each other and start solving mutual problems, set mutual goals. Is it really possible? Are we going to be lucky or what?
At the same time finally people start realizing that indeed you are what you eat. We finally started on a global scale pay attention to nutrition.
We encourage people to eat healthy and to grow healthy stuff. Most people in civilized countries understand the importance and actively go for it.
Racism and religious chauvinism are not something that can easily be eliminated, but in most civilized countries these traits are not openly tolerated.
We have a black president in US and this fact speaks volumes.
We still have terrorism as a serious danger.
We have aids and other dangerous diseases, famine and local wars are still gruesome realities for many.
We still collect atomic and biological weapons.
We still get depressed and depression becomes younger. We still need help, we need somebody to come and save us from ourselves.
Can we still survive in our world? Can future generation survive and prosper and be happy?
Do we really care? Do we all need to be happy? Well, I am sure you can answer that last one, it's not difficult.

Immigrant syndrome.

Is it a myth? Or does it really exist? Do, we immigrants come to a new country scared and eager and hungry? And I am not talking about physical hunger. Nothing like that. It’s different kind of hunger. Hunger for something you never had a chance to have, you could not even dream of having and now there mere possibility of having it makes you really hungry and restless.

You just need to try a little bit harder. To run a little bit faster. So you can be the first to grab it. And voila! You do not know how it happened but now you are running around working two or three jobs , saving every penny so you can have stuff and lots of it.

Clothes, gadgets, car, another car, the house to live, the house for a rental investments.

Run faster and faster, no stop for you, no rest for you.

You keep forgetting something, something you used to remember, something really important, if only you could stop for a moment, you would probably be able to remember that important thing you forgot. You lost your friends you left in your old country, your old friends you do not have time to write to.

Not that you have time for new friends either. You need more and more work, more and more stuff.

Kids are growing, need more things too: clothing, computers, what not. You do not buy books – no time to read. But you are paying for the cable, though you do not have time to watch TV.

You look at your growing kids wondering: why they are not like you? They are not in a hurry to run anywhere. They are sitting at home playing computer games and not in a rush to earn money or obtain things.

Did you forget something while chasing a dollar? Or is it that they are different and not hungry as you are. They do not suffer from immigrant syndrome like you because they are not immigrants like you, it’s their country and they are not in a hurry.

Nothing is going to disappear. They have everything they need: food, shelter, stuff. You supplied them with that and they are satisfied with what they have.

But why your are not satisfied, why do you try to get more? You still feel the need to have more, to save more, to obtain more.

Deep down you are scared that everything around you can disappear, can sink somewhere and you again will be in need and alone.

Why does it scare you so much, but not your children? Why is it me not them still running, still in high gear? When am I going to stop?

I am tired; I do not want to run any more. I want some rest, I want to loose my immigrant syndrome, to stop and simply enjoy my everyday life. How much is too much? What else do I need? But in vain I am asking all these questions over and over again. No one is there to answer them and I am still running…

What if I say that I do not believe in god?

Please, do not spit on my image and don't call me a f* atheist. It’s more complicated than that and I deserve to be heard.
I do not believe in God, as he is portrayed by church. But I do not believe in Darwin’s theory either. Standing in a Zoo and looking at pink bottoms of monkeys mopping in front of me in a cage, I cannot believe I originated from them, just kill me, before I do. Give me a break!
I do believe that somebody or something created us, just don't know who and why. Like some human germ that had been met with favorable conditions on this planet that allowed a human being to be developed and evolve into human race, that conditions made us what we are - very fragile and strong at the same time, unpredictable, vulnerable, capable of great love and sacrifice and unthinkable brutality and total destruction and self-distruction.
It has to be random and it has to an accident. No willpower could create us that imperfect, that capable of hurting others and ourselves. I am sure of that.
We are willing to kill another human being just because he does not speak our language and has a different life style. For any other stupid reason too.
We still have wars and people die everyday for some stupid ideology or just because somebody told them that this is good and noble. We kill young and beautiful people and send their coffins home to their grieving parents. At the same time we can sacrifice our life to save another human being!
People make themselves guinea pigs for scientific researches. Go great length to save others. Starve themselves so their children could eat. Struggle so other people live better.
We live in a terrible poverty among the world of abundance. We live homeless among palaces with more rooms than you could handle. We deny our children food when supermarkets display any possible products that produced by nature and human ingenuity and throw. Restaurants throw away tons of food just because no one wants to buy it.
Why? Could any reasonable being or super being create all that? He should be a real jerk to do this.
That's why I do not believe into divine creation. It should be random as I already said and it should be an accident. We all are pieces of nature's puzzle, elements of world's chaos and order. Can we evolve into something better - sure why not? How? I do not have the answer.
We have a great potential, I am sure of that. Of course to destroy is always easier than to build something, and laziness is our best friend, but still could we become better? I am sure we are getting there though rather slowly.
I am sure we have enough reason to preserve that planet of ours and us on it and to prove to the next generation, that there was a very strong reason to our presence in this world - to make world better if nothing else.