Holly-Molly, it's 2012, I don't believe how fast everything goes! I think I should stop making plans and start actually doing something productive in my life. So far I am just aimlessly flowing with life's current, like a dry leaf in the muddy river. Last year came and gone like I was in a Time Machine. I cannot even think of something really important. Same job, same apartment, same me.
Had a small vacation during summer days, went to see something rather than Toronto. Went to Stratford and Guelph. Nice short one day trip to each. Guelph I liked better. Stratford is too touristy, especially downtown. Guelph is quite vibrant, lots of young people, nice. May be next time I will go to Windsor or Peterborough, those nice places, not too far from Toronto. When you have one week for vacation, it's the best thing to go without a car. At night I can be back home, though in case of Windsor, I will probably do better if I stay there for a night.
So far I was unable to find a place where I would love to live, and where I could definitely be busy with something money wise. I need to earn my living, I cannot just sit on a beach, no matter how nice the scenery is. I need the alternative I will be happy with.
In Canada it is a problem. Most immigrants flock to big cities like Toronto and then we have crowds everywhere...''ready to do any job, hard-working, responsible, can work for lesser wages...''
Well, I do not want to work for lesser wages, it's not worth it. The less money you get, the more work-hours you have to commit yourself to in order to have all bare necessities like shelter, food, clothing covered. And if you are crazy enough to have dependents and pets, you'll need even more. If you have higher wages, you'll definitely can work less hours and have some time to think and to arrange your life the way you want it to be. Working all the time and sleeping in-between is not exactly my cup of tea.
The alternative? I have to start working on that right away, may be it's already too late. It's just I am out of fresh excuses I've been feeding myself for such a long time. Like my kids are too small, they need me (not anymore), my husband wants me to help him with his business, he needs my help badly (again, not anymore). I am so new to this country I shall learn how things work around here (quite familiar now with everything).
So what's holding me now? Nothing, nobody, just me and my old friend - fear, fear of failure. That's what keeps me from doing what I would love to do, that's what does not allow me to break my grinding routine and become free, at least partially, I really need that.
