I know, it's hard to live when suddenly you feel like your life is over but you are still not dead and somehow you have to eat, sleep and support yourself though you don't feel like there is any sense in doing that. That happened to me last year when I suddenly found myself in the hospital after a stroke. Those first months were absolutely most horrible in my life. I could not walk, my right hand was like a piece of cloth. I was thinking about killing myself as the only option, because life in a wheel-chair is not for me. Then suddenly, I realized that I can learn how to walk again and my will to live returned and I had a goal - to get my health back as much as possible. I left my hospital with a walker but not with a wheel-chair. Now, year ahead I don't use any help with walking but I still work on my right arm and think I will be able to return it back eventually. When and how - it's another story. The worst part in it is the necessity to retire from work and from that working environment I was so used to have. Now I feel like I am a fish from water but I guess I have to get used to it. Not much water here in London,Ontario, by the way. That river they have looks like a dirty swamp here in downtown. Not event much attraction to go there.
May be I will learn another language and write a novel. I have some ideas but I put them on a side burner long time ago and now it looks like those ideas expired in the process of my living life. May be not completely. May be I just need more time to get better first.
Would be nice to find some friends here but I guess I am not very good at it. People do not like strangers here, I noticed. I have one friend, she lives in Toronto and now she has a new boyfriend, so she is busy and I do not want to bother her a lot, but at least I have somebody to call when I feel completely lost and forgotten. And I feel it every day unfortunately. May be I should travel more, at least in London and around while weather is still good. And this year weather is pretty good to us. Not much cold still and no snow and temperature still in plus though it's the end of October. Hopefully it stays like that for a little while. It's nice outside and you do not need a lot of sweaters, not yet.
Friday, October 27, 2017
Monday, October 2, 2017
What makes us the way we are?
What exactly makes us? Why we are what we are? And why is it so hard to change? Your personality, your habits, your life. I never thought about my life a lot, I just lived it. In my old country food was not plenty when grew up. You just have to eat what you have and glad that you have it. Then society had changed. Now we have cheap food made from crap mostly and expensive food - organic, almond, gluten free, what not. I don't know what ordinary, not rich people eat in my old country, as I haven't been there for a long time, but I know that in Canada all that organic food is nor accessible for middle class, if we have such in Canada. Some people say, that we have not such class anymore. Just rich and poor. That means I am poor now.
I can think now, I have time for that. I have my small old age pension and have to survive on it. But I still want to survive good way. I don't drink, smoke, my blood pressure medication is not that expensive right now and I still hope to find way to lower blood pressure somehow, don't know yet how, so not to stuff myself with medications too much. I want to live near my children, not in a different city like now. I know that I cannot do a lot, but may be I still have some years of some productive activity.
I know that everything we eat, everything we do shapes us and with good genetics and healthy life style you can live long and be happy unless you meet with some terrorists or you decide to cross the road in a wrong place at the wrong time. Crossing the road is easier in London than in Toronto and we have less terrorists here I hope, but healthy life style? Not so sure about that.
We have a natural river here in London, Ontario but no one swims in it because it is polluted and everywhere in downtown near river there are bushes of wild grass and piles of stones and dirt and bad smell from water in some places on a hot day. We have a swimming pool downtown near river on Ridout St but who wants to pay $ 4.50 for a swim, not me for sure. Would be nice to have an open pool that is affordable but not in London probably and not for poor people.
In some places people do not swim in the river because they have crocodiles there. We do not swim in the river here because we were so stupid and reckless that we managed to pollute it to the point that no one even wants to come close to it. Only ducks seem happy and I cannot pretend I am the one.Shame, what can I say. Natural source of health and no one can use it for free. Want to swim, pay 4.50 and go ahead. And what if I don't want to spend 4.50 just to sit in water for 2 hours. I still need to buy food though I don't need a lot. At least we have green parks and relatively fresh air, thanks for that, government, I am very happy already.
Well, next time I move, I will find a place with some natural water near by I hope and relatively clean one. I just need to find such place. I tried before I moved to London but could not find anything and I did not have a lot of time for looking, so I chose London and now I am here. I just did not expect it to be so conservative in many ways and though people are not very friendly here, they are very polite as a rule, even homeless. They ask you for money and if you do not give them any, they still say thank you. I am impressed. If I were homeless for any reason I would never thank anybody I think. But then I was never homeless so I don't know. I cannot get used to see so many beggars in London. Are they all so desperate, or is it just a habit to get some free money? I don't know. But it does not look good for a city. I wish somebody could do something, I mean somebody who has authority in society. Most of these people are quite young and could be working somewhere not begging on a street. But I know how hard for young people to find a job in Canada. My youngest kid is still unemployed with university diploma and good habits and living in Toronto.
I can think now, I have time for that. I have my small old age pension and have to survive on it. But I still want to survive good way. I don't drink, smoke, my blood pressure medication is not that expensive right now and I still hope to find way to lower blood pressure somehow, don't know yet how, so not to stuff myself with medications too much. I want to live near my children, not in a different city like now. I know that I cannot do a lot, but may be I still have some years of some productive activity.
I know that everything we eat, everything we do shapes us and with good genetics and healthy life style you can live long and be happy unless you meet with some terrorists or you decide to cross the road in a wrong place at the wrong time. Crossing the road is easier in London than in Toronto and we have less terrorists here I hope, but healthy life style? Not so sure about that.
We have a natural river here in London, Ontario but no one swims in it because it is polluted and everywhere in downtown near river there are bushes of wild grass and piles of stones and dirt and bad smell from water in some places on a hot day. We have a swimming pool downtown near river on Ridout St but who wants to pay $ 4.50 for a swim, not me for sure. Would be nice to have an open pool that is affordable but not in London probably and not for poor people.
In some places people do not swim in the river because they have crocodiles there. We do not swim in the river here because we were so stupid and reckless that we managed to pollute it to the point that no one even wants to come close to it. Only ducks seem happy and I cannot pretend I am the one.Shame, what can I say. Natural source of health and no one can use it for free. Want to swim, pay 4.50 and go ahead. And what if I don't want to spend 4.50 just to sit in water for 2 hours. I still need to buy food though I don't need a lot. At least we have green parks and relatively fresh air, thanks for that, government, I am very happy already.
Well, next time I move, I will find a place with some natural water near by I hope and relatively clean one. I just need to find such place. I tried before I moved to London but could not find anything and I did not have a lot of time for looking, so I chose London and now I am here. I just did not expect it to be so conservative in many ways and though people are not very friendly here, they are very polite as a rule, even homeless. They ask you for money and if you do not give them any, they still say thank you. I am impressed. If I were homeless for any reason I would never thank anybody I think. But then I was never homeless so I don't know. I cannot get used to see so many beggars in London. Are they all so desperate, or is it just a habit to get some free money? I don't know. But it does not look good for a city. I wish somebody could do something, I mean somebody who has authority in society. Most of these people are quite young and could be working somewhere not begging on a street. But I know how hard for young people to find a job in Canada. My youngest kid is still unemployed with university diploma and good habits and living in Toronto.
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