Immigration of an educated person

In a way I was a lucky immigrant. I came to Canada with landed immigrant papers (my husband did everything, I just signed the papers). I did not have to fight and suffer and pay lawyers thousands of dollars of last money and prove anything. I came to Canada, signed something and was free to go. Welcome to Canada! It was easy.

But there is another not less important side to immigration – psychological. Adaptation to life in a society completely different, when you have to move from one way of life to another, from one social structure to completely different is not easy. Shock is imminent. Step from broken socialism to unknown capitalism with 3 small kids in tow. No money, limited language.

I could not speak English when I came. I was English-Russian technical translator; I could decently translate from one language to another on paper, but no spoken language. It took me about 5 years before I stopped being afraid to open my mouth and say something. That ingrained fear to say something wrong haunted me. It’s difficult, when you cannot say something what you want to say, cannot express yourself properly as educated person should. It gives you deep sense of inferiority. You look like a fool and feel the same.

If you do a lot of mistakes in your speech, people do not trust you. You do not sound like an educated person and people tend to look down on you. Not only that, when you are immigrant you do not know how to behave socially, you do not know simple things, like what to eat, cook, how to wash your clothes and with what, products are different and oh, boy, these products are plenty!

I remember my first visit to a big supermarket. There was one, called Knob Hill Farms, if I am not mistaken. It’s gone now. It was really a monster supermarket; I was completely lost there. In socialist country in a northern area we lived we used just cabbage for fresh vegetables and dry apples for fresh fruits in winter. We were ecstatic when we managed to buy some lemons in December and I still remember that smell of a first spring cucumber; when you slice it thinly and do not want to eat it, just smell that fresh aroma promising summer.

As kids we used to get a present on New Year’s Eve. A bag full of candies in colorful wrappings, couple of walnuts and an orange or mandarin. Many years passed by I still have to smell the orange before I eat it. It took me I think about 10 years living in Canada to get used to the fact that food is always around and it is not going to disappear tomorrow. It’s still hard to throw food away. It is sacred. It’s ingrained in my system.

One immigrant girl I know told me once, that for many years she would come to fast food restaurant and steal some packages of salt and pepper and ketchup, because she could not understand that they are “free” and that tomorrow they still be there.

Now she is a businesswoman and do not steal any packages of anything but that’s how mentality works. In a "pure" socialist country everything belongs to the government. That means nobody directly personally controls you. Centralized distribution means not enough of anything when you need it. At the same time this very thing you need might be rotting somewhere, but you are not getting it, it’s not there for you where you need it. There is shortage of everything.

People would say: collective means mine. It’s just socialist mentality. Taking something that belongs to the government is not stealing. Of course if you steal big time, you could go to prison. But attitude is the same. If it belongs to government, it’s mine and I can take it if I need.

Though political indiscretions have been punished more severely. Capitalism was enemy #1, business in any form was illegal. Illegal businesses existed all the time, but you had to hide it pretty good...

Of course Gorbachev changed all that but he already could not help it. Socialistic mechanism started loosing its wheels. Artificial “society for people” collapsed, painful and hateful capitalism was reborn again. Big monster USSR ceased to exist. Enemy #1 became way of life. People started to emigrate in droves, running out, from poverty, political games, discrimination, wars, confusion, what not, you name it.

It’s hard to leave everything and start all over again. It’s not easy for those who left and not easy for people who stayed. System collapsed but mentality still there and nostalgia, for the better that existed in reality or in make believe and for the broken dreams.

Many people believed into socialism and still do, especially in the countries that never experienced the reality of it. But I hope for the better future. We will change mentality, we’ll learn how to cherish what we have and create better life here, over there, anywhere. Our future right here, right now and we’ll learn from our mistakes and will be better. Here , there, anywhere.