Being immigrant, being different

When you come from a different world you cannot help feeling differently. You are used to dress a certain way, to talk and behave differently and on top of everything your mother tongue is... yeah, you guessed right it is different.

You suddenly realize, that you came to the world that is not like your own. You feel as if somebody stripped you naked up to your soul and left you exposed in the crowd and you have nothing to cover your body and your soul with. You feel shame and humiliation and urge to shout: people, please, wait a minute, I am not that different from you, just help me a little, push me into right direction, I’ll learn I am not stupid, I have some merits, I just need some time, be patient with me.

I am convinced that everybody lives in an emotional and social bubble/box and breaking out of this box can be very painful. You are surrounded by people you know and who know you and you expect them to behave a certain way and you behave a certain way towards them too.

You can love them or hate but their behavior to the most extent predictable and that predictability gives comfort and you do not have to feel depressed and stressful.

If you an immigrant (alien) your surroundings lack that familiarity, it takes time.

You gradually learn language and habits, you find new friends who morally support you. You can vent and cry on their shoulder. They understand.

You learn how to make a living in a new country.

Sometimes it's hard when you do not have new skills, or your skills are not enough, you need some extra learning, or you need something completely different.

When I came to Canada I had a University degree but with 3 small kids and my diploma meant next to nothing in Canada. I found a job as a translator but lost it right away for some stupid reason just because I did not know some trifle things.

With time comes the experience and gradually you forget what was so bad in your country, you remember good days only, you feel nostalgia and regret.

Finally you come back as a tourist and everybody treats you as a guest and you do not see any place there for yourself, you indeed is a tourist.

You come back into your new country more relaxed and glad you returned. You see the differences and understand them. You want other people to see everything with your eyes and share your experience with others.

And you join something like http://www.hubpages.com/ and you write about your experience and wisdom, your ups and downs.

And you do not feel like you are in a box anymore because your box suddenly expanded and it includes now a lot of people who are ready to listen and willing to understand, criticize you or applaud to you and with you.

You do not feel like a stupid immigrant in a box, but as a normal human being with lots of ideas you cannot wait to convey to others.

And it feels great.