When life lost it's meaning' you have to find it.

   I know, it's hard to live when suddenly you feel like your life is over but you are still not dead and somehow you have to eat, sleep and support yourself though you don't feel like there is any sense in doing that. That happened to me last year when I suddenly found myself in the hospital after a stroke. Those first months were absolutely most horrible in my life. I could not walk, my right hand was like a piece of cloth. I was thinking about killing myself as the only option, because life in a wheel-chair is not for me. Then suddenly, I realized that I can learn how to walk again and my will to live returned and I had a goal - to get my health back as much as possible. I left my hospital with a walker but not with a wheel-chair. Now, year ahead I don't use any help with walking but I still work on my right arm and think I will be able to return it back eventually. When and how - it's another story. The worst part in it is the necessity to retire from work and from that working environment I was so used to have. Now I feel like I am a fish from water but I guess I have to get used to it. Not much water here in London,Ontario, by the way. That river they have looks like a dirty swamp here in downtown. Not event much attraction to go there.
  May be I will learn another language and write a novel. I have some ideas but I put them on a side burner long time ago and now it looks like those ideas expired in the process of my living life. May be not completely. May be I just need more time to get better first.
   Would be nice to find some friends here but I guess I am not very good at it. People do not like strangers here, I noticed. I have one friend, she lives in Toronto and now she has a new boyfriend, so she is busy and I do not want to bother her a lot, but at least I have somebody to call when I feel completely lost and forgotten. And I feel it every day unfortunately. May be I should travel more, at least in London and around while weather is still good. And this year weather is pretty good to us. Not much cold  still and no snow and temperature still in plus though it's the end of October. Hopefully it stays like that for a little while. It's nice outside and you do not need a lot of sweaters, not yet.