How I understand politics.

  I can tell you right away - I don't. It looks like a politician is quite a different beast than regular guy. A regular guy cannot publicly admit in doing drugs or driving under influence and not suffer some severe consequences (losing your job is one of them for example). A politician can and be a 'great' guy still.
   A regular schmuck cannot call somebody names in public and get away with it. Unless totally drunk - we still tend to forgive them, he was drunk - such an excuse! And look at our political forums - they call each other names and blame each other in all worldly sins and it is okay. Why?
   Can I go on a bus and tell somebody, "hey, you, idiot, don't talk too loud on your f* phone!" Or, "you, moron, you jacket is dirty and you smell!"
   Double standards - one for regular people and another for, well, they were called 'people's servants' in my old country. They don't call them like that in Canada.
  We vote for them, we select them to serve as our representatives in the government and they do they job nicely (at least in their words they pronounce they sound very nicely and smoothly with good English), and they are full of nice promises like a homeless dog full of fleas...
  After their election it's another story. I think they all develop amnesia and sometimes Alzheimer's disease all together after elections. Very convenient.
  I understand if you are a 'people's servant' (allow me to use this foreign expression, it's so close to the purpose of my narration) and you've disgraced yourself publicly - you should say I am sorry and step aside humbly and shamefully.
   Not in Toronto, Canada. They boldly declare that they are just like everybody else(?) and proceed to a new election - o tempora or mores! Honestly, they should nor even consider let alone stand a chance to be elected, but who knows.
  Canadian people are so nice, so tolerant, so forgiving... I just want to go and throw up, seriously.

Spring is in the air...

   Not yet, not yet you may say. You  are rushing, my dear. Even birds, they were singing or better say chirping last week here and there and then it's cold again, bitterly cold. Nature looks frozen, swallowed by snow, greedy snow that does not want to melt at all this winter.
  I wonder how immigrants who came from warm countries feel in Canada this winter, because this season here stays especially long and cold.
  I am sick again - second time during this winter with nasty cold that does not want to go away at all.
  May be it will disappear together with that old treacherous snow that does not look inviting in a big city at this time of the year.
  When spring comes I always want to go away somewhere, to get rid of everything I have and just run away. I never do that. No, not true. Many-many years ago I dropped everything and everybody and left to Canada with 3 small kids and 2 suitcases. And it was early spring too. And for many years I regretted that decision bitterly but could do nothing about that. Some things you cannot undo. But that's another story. Today we are talking about spring.
  After short warm nice breezy weeks hot humid summer comes and I do not feel that way. I just feel like hiding from all that debilitating heat somewhere. I cannot imagine living in a country that has only 2 seasons - hot humid, very hot like 50C and then rainy season. For me after hot summer there should be some snow and some cold. But in Canada at least in Ontario all that humidity in winter kills all pleasure from a nice frosty day, because it makes you cold so fast that you just have to run from one shelter to another - home - bus - store - work -bus- store - home. A stroll in the park anyone? When it's minus 20 and windchill adds 10 more?
 May be I should invite a polar bear for a company or at least borrow his thick skin? I don't know if they make bear coats but I know that my ship-skin coat helps me to survive very nicely. Bless my friend's generous soul, who gave it to me I do not have to freeze this winter!
   It's nice to have friends. I've lost so many of them - just one left. And with my lifestyle no hope to have new ones. Work - home - chores -sleep - work - who will break that circle? Can I afford to do that?
  I envy people who managed to drop everything and leave and survive... No! I cannot think like that, it's not spring yet. It's still winter in Toronto, I still have time to summon some courage and may be one day break my old routine for good. Spring is in the air... no, sorry, my mistake, it's  abandoned security box on a wall chirping and I have no idea how to turn it off. Oops!

Your comfort zone - your friend or your enemy?

  What is it? Your comfort zone. For different people it's different. It's probably depends on your nature, upbringing, age, the country you are living in and so many other different factors.
  When it is especially nasty outside (like today for example) and you do not want to step out and go to work.
 Well, on days like this I am thinking about poor people many-many years ago when my granddad was young and people were under illusion that revolution and mass killing of half population of your country could solve social and economical problems fast.
  I remember my granddad telling that story not to me but to other people as I was just a little kid but I had ears too and was listening though probably should not. 
   It was about people who were sent to Siberia in winter just because they had more 'stuff' than others.
And at that time word 'rich' was a dangerous one. They were thrown into cattle wagons without any warm clothing, food, anything that could help them to survive and sent for thousand miles into deep forests of Siberia, and left there to die or to survive if you can. And most amazing thing was that some of them managed to survive there - to build a shelter, to find food and eventually to return and to tell their amazing stories.
 My granddad was lucky, he was not that 'rich' and he made sure that he never had any 'stuff' in his possession in future, that no one would envy him or wanted to take away his property. In a socialist country to have something that no one should posses (like two cows for example)  was really dangerous. Through all my life I was thinking about those brave people who managed to survive in absolutely unsurvivable position, when authorities clearly wanted them to die and brought them to Siberia to die. Did they have their comfort zone at all. I know my parents did not. They were scared by system very good and never spoke their mind.
 I was born when that madness was over. None of my close relatives were sent anywhere. Society became more open and tolerant, at least from outside. We still had dissidents. People still could not openly criticize authorizes or government.We still did not know what real freedom inside society meant. Our comfort zone  was to have a job, a family, a good paycheck, friends. People who wanted more usually did not clearly understand what and how they could do that. When my husband wanted to go abroad, I did not. It was clearly outside my comfort zone.
It took me many years to understand what freedom means in Canada for example.
   That no one is going to chaise me around here just because I am different.
   That no one cares how good or bad I speak English.
   That as long as I do not break any laws no one will come to arrest me (for what???).
  Through years here my comfort zone has changed. I think a lot of fear left from it. it's a good thing.
Now I have to learn how to step out of it and accomplish something that I want, that I can, that I should. Because I am alive, free human being and I know I don't have to be afraid anymore. Life is too short.
Though I am still afraid to step out of my comfort zone, because no one is going to come and tell me what to do with my life. I must do it myself.

New 2014, new dreams, promises...

  It's 2014 already, scary in a way.
  Time. It used to be a speeding train, now it's almost like a rocket. I am telling you - the older you become - the faster your time is running out on you.
  You have to be careful with your time, how you spend it; careful with what you spend it on and to think carefully what you can do with it. I wasted so much of it on other people, who never fulfilled their promises to me or to themselves.

  Can I afford to waste what is left for me? No, definitely not!
  I still have some things I need to accomplish and this new year is as good as any. Who knows how many I still have?
  And it's not like I am terminally ill or something (hopefully, I am not!), but life is so unpredictable, you never know.
   I want to learn another European language, most likely French, may be Spanish. To expand mine horizons so to say if nothing else.
  I want to find a company that sells healthy products for everyday use, that are healthy without added harmful stuff, and incorporate them into my household and never-ever use that cheap and harmful crap that I am still using now. And for that I have to learn how to sell those products to other people because without that I won't be able to afford them. I need extra money, they are NOT cheap.
  I am still thinking about buying my own place to live. Don't know if it is realistic in 2014 but I can try.
  May be I should lose some weight for good measure?
  I think that is enough for one year. If I am able to pull all this through in 2014, it will be awesome.
. What do you think?

A poor person cannot be healthy in Canada.

  Recently I realized that in a civilized country like Canada  a poor person cannot be healthy. It's a sad thing but it's true. And it's not all about food only.  Even if you are not that poor. It's not like you live on a street and have no idea when you next meal is going to happen.
  If you work minimum wage (and consider yourself lucky if you do because thousands cannot even have that!), and, as I said, if you have that minimum but you have some dependents or cannot work full time because of small kids etc, you are kind of doomed. And I will explain.
 We have lots of cheap foods going around. You are not going to starve, but you are going to be very malnourished and loaded with bunch of chemicals and fillers instead of wholesome food - sadly but that all cheap food is famous for.
   Regular tap water is fluoridated. Yes, I agree, it is safer, won't get some e coli, cholera or whatever you can get from contaminated water. But is it healthy, is it good for you? Of course not! As if a dose of chlorine in your water is not enough!  But do you have a choice if you are poor ? Of course not. You cannot possibly buy water in bottles, or put reverse osmosis into your kitchen. So you drink what you can. Same with other food.
  Juice, that stands for months on a shelf without spoiling, or bread, or milk or any other fresh product that lasts for months without noticeable changes - that does not sound natural. I have a package of bread on top of a microwave at work right now. Second month it has been there, no one bothers to throw it away, it still looks pretty good, I think somebody ate a piece of it yesterday. Is it a real bread, or is it just looks like one? If it walks like duck... no, not this time...
 Everything produced by our food industry looks exactly like food, even if it is not, even if it's dangerous like hell to consume it. And don't think you can get away, that you somehow can eat all that non-food and stay healthy.
  No amount of exercise will help, because food you put inside you every day is loaded with things that are pure chemicals and should be used for something else - to kill cockroaches for example, or rats, or bugs, but not your children, whom you give cola,"juice","milk","meat","snacks","water", "yogurt", clean their teeth with toothpaste that is loaded with same fluoride he just swallowed with his water. You put some sunscreen on him, that will be absorbed very quickly by his small body and is NOT good for anybody, especially children.
 And don't tell me that those things are safe. They are here because they are cheap to produce and they make good profit. And you need them as dog needs flees. One more child with cancer? One more poor old lady with Alzheimer? Who cares! We need our millions in profits.
 Recently I bought a toothpaste - all natural, no fluoride, no other bad stuff for $6 a piece. Regular 'Crest' you can buy for $1 on sale very often. Can a poor person afford that?
Same with shampoo. All natural  - $15, loaded with crap - $2. Free run chicken costs $19, regular chicken legs - poor people's meat -  $0.99 a pound. You can say, - what's your point? I don't know. Yes, we see more and more natural products around, but who can afford them? Not poor people for sure.
I know that it's very dangerous to be poor in Canada, no amount of free medicine or plenty of Shopper's Drug Marts on every corner can help. And doctor is not your friend. You have to help him to fill his own pockets, and if you and your children will be healthy, who is going to pay doctor's bills? He still needs to buy organic food for his children.
So, please, stay poor and sick for your doctor's sake. He really needs that money.
 But sorry,  this not about doctors. We should have plenty of cheap food in a civilized country, and it should be natural - as much as possible, and it is possible. People used to have food and preserve it for long time for centuries. I am sure, you do not need rat poison for that. That's my idea.

I have to confess: I never smoked ...

Yes, guys. I shamefully confess : I never smoked crack cocaine.
 I never smoked marijuana.
 I never even smoked  cigarettes.
You see how dull, uninteresting, non-contemporary I am?
 Shame on me!
 I cannot even look at myself in the mirror. Such a stupid person.
Where is my sense of adventure?
 My willingness to open new horizons, to go where no man went before, to experience inexperienced, to follow noble steps of our best?
Why can't I be like our best ones?The ones that rule us, ones that we vote for, ones that we see everyday in media, the decision makes, ones we voted for (have I said that already?).
Did I actually voted for that overfed, shameless, loudmouthed pig with famous last name that can do anything and say anything and no one can arrest him or just show him his real place in this world? No! This is my country too and I want to be proud of it because it's one of the best.
We just have to make rules that's are good for everybody, laws that are laws for everybody, never mind your position in a society - you have to follow the rules even if you are making them, especially if you are making them. You have to be the example for everybody. This guy is a bad joke, an embarrassing one. Because he does not give a damn about you and me and he should not be where he is.
That's what I think. That's my opinion. Take it or leave it. Just don't pretend it's not happening because it's happened already. And it's a shame on all us.

Being busy 24 hours - not possible!

        Sometimes it looks like I am working 24 hours. I know it is impossible and it's not true. I still sleep every night, but it is still very stressful life and I promised myself to go easy this year, to quit one job, to go to bed early, not to eat before going to bed - promises, promises...
 Well, I am still working 7 days a week. I do not eat after 9 pm. I still sleep less than 8 hours and my crazy cat keeps interrupting my very valuable sleep... I know, I know, it very dangerous.

  Sometimes I have to pay for my stressful lifestyle by high blood-pressure spikes, fibrillation attacks, what not. Well, I am just a human. I hate poverty. At the end of my month I have to have a couple of bucks in my account, extra I mean. I s it too much to ask? I still need my own place to live and I am sure it's reasonable wish, isn't it?

 And I am not going to count sheets of my bathroom tissue or dry and reuse my paper towel - no way. And I am still learning how to earn money om line, when I have time. What time? Sleeping time of course, what do you think? Well, I almost stopped cooking for myself. I buy canned sardines for lunch at work. There is always old fashioned oatmeal for breakfast or my old trusted friend fried egg with some quick salad from sealed plastic packages from supermarket, or with boiled potatoes on a side if I get lucky. Anything that does not take much time to cook.
   I read a lot when I can, it's my way of relaxation and not thinking about how stupid my life is because working like that is not good, even reckless and non productive and... stupid again. No one should work like that and I am not going to, may be just a little bit until I can afford not to, if i can... if I dare... if I'll be able to... I still need to save some money, those dirty pieces of paper that rules the world and my small life. I need them damn it, I really need them. Sorry, have to run. Time to go to work.