I am tired to be poor...

I am very-very tired to be poor. To think about money every day. Of what I should or shouldn't buy. Of what I want and cannot have.

May be it's not fair. Not fair towards people who are living on the streets right now and do not have a place to go or somebody to talk to. Who is sick and scared and abused.

I still have my job and place to live and I am not hungry.

But is it enough to a human soul? Just shelter and food and nothing else? Do I have to be content with that or go for something else?

The problem is I do not know how.

How to free myself from fear and dependancy on my everyday's toil ?

How to obtain some freedom to do what I want?

Is it really possible, or is it just a hopeless fantasy of an overworked individual?

Somebody told me: you have to be born in this country. I am not, sorry.
Does it mean that I have to work hard all my life with nothing to show?
Is it a punishment for being an immigrant,a reluctant immigrant? I don't know. I know I cannot come back. This is my home, my country, my destiny.
I am still alive and still looking for something, something that can feed my soul and give me more meaning to my life. I am still looking...