Another year ending...

It's the end of 2010.
 It's so strange. It's gone already, just one day and a half left. I cannot believe that. I think that when you become older your years start speeding uncontrollably. Or may be it's just you pay less attention, not many things excite you as before, not anymore. There is not much wonder in your life. Days are just passing by - one by one, one by one. Monday-Friday, then weekend,  another weekend job, then Monday again. If you had more money you could go somewhere, to a different place, where time may be goes slower, may be people are not in such a hurry to do things as they are here in Canada. Rushing, pushing each other, arguing sometimes or just silently looking at you as if you are not here.
Well, I don't want to be here, I just do not have another place to  go. It's my home now, guys, my place to live. Home. I am dreaming of buying my own place but it's still such a far away dream. I absolutely forbid myself even to think about it now, because it is so fruitless, so depressing. I know I have to work on my dream, but it's like a mirage - the closer you are trying to come to it, the more dim and unrealistic it becomes, just like a real mirage...
 I know I need some push, some motivation. I do not want to end up in somebody else's basement and call it my home, I just cannot afford right now to buy anything. Not here in Toronto, not anywhere... It drives me crazy and I am trying not to think about it.
 I will think about New Year's holidays, couple of free from work days that I am going to have. I still can go to some places in Toronto and may be see something I've never seen before. It's a big town and you surely can find some interesting places to visit.
Bye-bye year 2010!You were not very bad, but I am glad you are over. I will look for something better in my life in 2011, I had some bad moments in this one, don't want to repeat that.
December gives me blues but I am not giving to succumb to that. No blues. Tomorrow is my day off and I will enjoy that and have some treats and some nice homemade dinner, not much appetite though, but I'll think of something, something that everybody will like maybe. Maybe not.

Green energy, I hear about it a lot, but why?

Everybody talks about it -

 green energy. http://www.planetfriendly.net/energy.html

But nobody explains it. Is it just a dream, or political talk for important people to get involved, to shed some money, especially if it is not coming from your pocket?

What is going on? How can my energy be green?

Personally I think solar and wind energy are not efficient yet. They are still in a process. Otherwise everybody would be doing it, but we are still holding the gas pump at the gas stop, and the price on it is climbing steady. I've been thinking and this idea is totally mine. Nobody told me anything and I've never told anybody about it. You'll be the first to know. And don't tell me I am stupid, or crazy, I don't like it and it is not polite.

Well, may be I am a little bit stupid and crazy, but it is not nice to say that anyway. My idea is very simple. We pump oil and gas out, right? And it is everywhere -  the process goes non stop. And we are looking for more, other places to pump it out. We need it, a lot of it, gas and oil in some form. Well, after we've emptied the place, it might be filled with something else inside the ground, this cavern has to be filled with something, some other gas or hot air hasn't it? It is not going to stay empty there. We have plenty of hot stuff inside, http://pubs.usgs.gov/gip/dynamic/inside.html , it is really hot inside our planet Earth.

What if all that stuff comes out into our empty spaces we created and fills them up and escapes and warms our planet? Here goes our global warming, what do you think? It's just an idea, don't be mad at me.

And don't call me, I'll call you, okay?

At the end of the year we remember...

This year is coming to its final month. As usual we think about Christmas celebrations, gifts, turkey etc. We remember about letters we still have to write, calls to make, friends we forgot to write to for a year and now we feel like it's now or never. We still have to find time for that.

I dream about Christmas lights and decorations of my childhood. In my country it was just New Year's celebration, but we still had a fur tree decorated with glass balls and plastic toys, with snowflakes and candles, small one made especially to put on a tree and foil serpentine, lots of it.
 I remember that big tree, richly decorated standing in my room. How nice it was to go to bed and see in the dark mysteriously alien and wondrously familiar tree, all that sparkle and little jingling of the tree toys on it when somebody would pass by it touching it slightly. You go to bed and wake up with that wonderful smell of holiday and presents, with hope and promise that never realised but was so pleasant to anticipate.
You wait for a miracle of something wonderful, something amazing but at the end nothing wonderful happens and you are still happy with all that holiday glamor and light and smell and taste of Christmas candies and nuts, and home made cookies. Lots of treats, lots of modest presents, that can fill your heart - small child's heart with joy and gratitude and hope. Something you'll never forget. Something that stays with you into your adulthood. Something that you see in the eyes of you children on a Christmas Eve. Something that makes our life worth living.
Happiness is made of little things and this is one of them.

Beautiful places, nice climate, different countries, we want them, but do they want us?

I 've been reading that blog, a nice one,  that tells all about different countries where you can retire and live so frugally and nice on 600 dollars a month.Nicely written with great knowledge of a subject. It's a very tempting suggestion. But I am not sure that it is an appropriate one. Of course if you know the culture, the language, traditions, way of life and have dollars to the bargain that could give you a tremendous advantage in view of low local currency exchange. I remember I went to my old country for a visit. I had a good lunch that cost me one dollar. I thought it was nice, but ...  If you come to the country and you have nobody there of your kin, you don't know the language, culture, traditions and you'll be outsider for the rest of population, probably even unwelcomed one. An alien.
I did not experience a lot of discrimination when I came to Canada. But I remember one lady told me,"You came (she meant immigrants) and took our jobs." She blamed me as an immigrant of taking a job from them - non immigrants, local people. And the general policy in Canada is very welcoming towards immigrants. Imagine yourself in a country where every foreigner is an intruder and people openly say so and as soon as you 've learned their language, you understand that. May be they are not going to tell you openly that but they'll try to get advantage, to discriminate you, to cheat you, to steal from you when they can. So no matter how beautiful and friendly this country looks for you - be careful it is still not your country, not the one you know, and used to. Their government might be progressive too - more or less, but they might change that in a flash and a new one might be not so friendly and will kick you out, our just take away everything you have from you, because it is their land and you are an intruder. And tell me, that I am not right. You cannot do it, because I am right. I do not expect any great revolution here in Canada or radical changes in the government, or that people will go on the streets and starts shooting each other, but in other countries it might happen and happens every day in the 3rd world countries. So should I go and risk stability and not very easy and quite stressful life here for the unknown there? I don't think so. But I am immigrant already, I made my choice. What about you? You are still want that adventure, that chance? Well, it's your life, what can I say. Just don't say I did not warn you.

Our worldly goods, do we need them?

All our worldly goods. We have them around us. Our worldly goods, we are used to them. We inherit some of them. We buy and collect the others. We argue and quarrel about some of them with our relatives (this clock my great grandmother promised to me - it's mine). We fight for them in court with our angry spouses and hate our siblings who deprived us from them. We need them, they are part of our life.

We work really hard to accumulate them (I need that dining table, sofa, chair, curio cabinet, etc.) We sink into credit card debt and bankruptcy for them. Sometimes they take over our life, sometimes they detach us from reality and we become hoarders. I know a woman ( and she is not poor, far from it), who washes plastic caps from water bottles sold at grocery stores in a dishwasher and keeps them in a kitchen drawer sorted by size. She washes and collects bottles too.

I am not sure what is cheaper - to buy reusable container or to run dishwasher all day. I am sure they are not meant to be washed and reused and probably leak some chemical stuff when heated. I don't know. I personally think that my time is more important. I better have some rest and drink boiled tap water.

And for kids I use just water that is sold in plastic bottles but I never bother to reuse them. If they are dirty I just throw them away. My life is more important to me. I can use my time better . I can read a book, talk to my kids, cook something nice, or just have a much needed rest.

We need it in our crazy contemporary life, we should not be slaves to our lifestyle, to our goods, our worldly goods. In real life we do not need that much. As a matter of fact we need very little. Some food. Good night sleep. Clothes to wear when it is cold. Shelter when it is raining. A human hand to touch. A should to cry on when life is too hard on us. A healthy voice of your child on the telephone.

The rest - just things to collect dust upon them. We don't really need them, trust me. http://www.worldsstrangest.com/mental-floss/suffer-from-disposophobia-these-7-famous-hoarders-did/

What do we really pay for a cheap stuff?

Another side of economy. Economy and frugality are in fashion nowadays. We all want to save money, to buy cheap. We do not want to waste our money, but... There is one small problem: what in reality do we pay for cheap things?

Here is one personal example. Recently (in April to be exact) I was moving and decided to buy some new furniture. My old bed was falling apart and my son needed a dresser. I managed to save some money. So I went to the local furniture store and bought a bedroom set, quite a bargain. I paid $500 plus tax for a bed (with a mattress), 2 dressers, two night tables. Super deal. One dresser I gave to my son and another without a mirror I used as an extra storage for small household things. I found a good use for small night tables too.

But was it really a bargain? Half a year later, what do I have? My mattress is nothing but springs sticking into my ribs at night, screaming:"we are want out, we want out!" Plastic handles from my dresser break on touch, sides are wobbly and falling off the base.

So basically now, 6 months later I again need a dresser and a bed. I wasted 500 dollars, I've bought a cheap bargain, that is not a bargain, but a piece of sh***.

Should I have saved more money to buy more expensive but better stuff? How much better? It's still made in China. It's still not wood but some pressed wood-by product. Who's gained in this case? Is it good for economy? A lot of garbage that looks real, that we are buying and throwing away together with money we've spent on it and buying again and throwing away again. Is it just a furniture? I am afraid not. Same with clothes and kitchen gadgets and other things that are good for nothing. Things that you buy, use for a short time and throw away as completely useless.

Is it how our economy going to prosper from now on? We work, spend our money on worthless things, throw them away , work again, buy things again.

Should our progress teach us something? Why can't we have cheap and good things, things that are convenient and last for a long time. Can I still buy a coat and wear it for 5 years and look nice in it even after 5 years of wearing? Or boots that last more than a year? Can I have furniture, that I can leave to my children in my will? A car that's still works perfect after 5 year lease? Why do we need that constant buying and spending money? Can somebody answer that? Hello-o-o-o! I am waiting.

TTC, do we need it? Do we need it the way it is?

I don't understand this. Is this the economy, or just me? I an not becoming any younger. I do not have high hopes for a good, well-paid job or successful business, I have to stick to what I have. And the reality of my life is: I do not have a lot. I have a minimum paid job and another one I have to endure.
And I still cannot afford a lot. I cannot have a car. I cannot eat what I want and buy things I need, when I need them. Car looks pretty much like a necessity in a big city like Toronto. I don't think it's right. I think that at least in big cities we should rely more on a public transportation. It could be more convenient, practical and economical for many people who have to buy that darn thing because they do not have a choice.
Look around - in the morning we see hundreds of cars around, wasting gasoline, polluting the atmosphere and carrying ... one maximum two persons in it! That much trouble, gas, car insurance just to carry one person to work? Think about it.
I think it's a biggest and most wasteful and completely out of hand madness. How many people live in so called residential areas, where you are so far from any store, or mall, or anything? You don't even have a designated pedestrian path. If you need a napkin or salt or whatever, you are supposed to open your garage, take out your car and go to the store! Add the price of gasoline you've spent to buy a lighter or a box of matches or a screw driver, or a can of cat food! Tell me about living green after that, about frugality and economy! What a stupid joke.
By the way. I was standing on a bus stop for 20 minutes today, waiting for that dam**d bus to go to work, with other people who are "stupid" enough not to have a car. The bus came full to the brim. Luckily for me the driver let us to get in, well, some of us.
It vividly reminded me about my old country. We had to get to work like that, as if we were sardines in a can, neatly packed inside. But my country had been tinkering with socialism for almost 70 years. To see this in Canada just does not sound right.
May be our authorities should better sell our TTC to some 3rd party? May be we 'll be actually able to sit on a bus and come to work on time? Though there might resurface another problem: how much we'll be paying for our comfort in that scenario? Answer that question if you can.