I hate when people lie to me

 I hate when people lie to me. I hate when I have to lie to people. But what I hate the most is when people lie and I believe them. 

   People lie for different reasons. When they are scared or embarrassed. When telling the truth sound unethical. Especially at work. You cannot say to your coworker that he is a noisy jerk, an incredible moron, a skunk (poor skunk) and looks like a scarecrow in his dirty baggy jeans/ slacks and worn sneakers. His feelings will be hurt and he might go to the manager and complain and who is going to be reprimanded or even fired? Absolutely! They might no even tell you why you've been fired. Again it is unethical to tell you the truth in that sense. 

   It happened to me before. The only thing I told my mean and sly coworker: mind your own business and leave me alone. Just that, nothing else and she complained about me to the management. I do not know, what exactly she was telling but they made my work there living hell, watching me closely, giving me the worst assignments possible, treating me with contempt. All that stuff and after two weeks they just dismissed me. Got rid of a troublemaker. No one even bothered to talk to both of us and find out, what really happened, because in reality nothing happened and I am not a troublemaker at all, just do not have that in me. I sincerely hope that one day this girl will show her true colors to the people and she'll get what she deserves, nothing more.

    And I am back to my story. You cannot tell your manager, that he is crazy unthinking idiot, who lost his brains in translation and his mother probably dropped him from the crib in a very tender age and he'd better stop boozing and smoking that much and lose a couple of pounds too. You'll get fired faster than you can say mamma and they are not going even to cover the excuses with some fluff like restructuring or downsizing this time, as the only one who is going to be downsized is you and your valet. You do not expect to be hearing the truth in any official office like a bank, insurance or medical, they would tell you what they are trained to tell. I do not even know if they are going to tell you at the medical office that you are going to die soon if you are terminally ill or something. In that case I probably agree that they should not. Because you might not die exactly as they "planned" for you anyway, they should not ruin you hope, because feeling doomed might kill you faster than any disease. 

   If you believe in yourself and your power you are capable to survive a lot. People do that every day; it's called miracle of a human spirit and it works. And words can materialize, so do not say to your naughty kid, that he is a lazy idiot, he might become one and never tell your daughter that she is too plain and ugly to be somebody, she might believe you and spend her life in misery, sickness, unaccomplished, poor and plain...ugly. 

   
First time people meet you they see your face. Second time - they see your soul. If they are capable to see that far. It's much harder to take in the lie when society does that to you. Nowadays with all that virus around you have to trust somebody, but whom? If vaccination works fine, why we are still getting sick, why not everybody get vaccinated to prevent spread of that bad thing, lethal thing for most people, if again that's truth. We keep businesses closed, people cooped inside. Why I still have to wear a mask, if I am vaccinated and I am. I am not taking any chance, believe me. If everything I am told about virus is true, it's not a joke, but then... Is it really true what we've been told or is it a big fat lie? Who can tell? You have to trust somebody. I am trying to do just that.

Do you want a good advice? Or what to do with pigeons on your balcony.

   I am  not good at giving advice. I usually think that there are people who are more experienced and sophisticated than me for that. May be that's true, may be not. May be we all have to share our experiences in life - good or bad. That way we can make somebody's life easier and may be help other people a little or a lot. It depends. 

   When I moved to the 8th floor in my current apartment I never thought that somebody lived on my balcony before me. I put my glass table there and couple of chairs and a convenient shelf on wheels to put some decorations on my balcony. I had an artificial flower in a basket I put that one on my balcony too. 

   And then they came - pigeons. Looks like a nice bird until you know better. They started to mark their territory right away with lots of poop - on my shelf, near my flower. They avoided my glass table though and that gave me an idea. I bought several cheap mirrors and put them around on my balcony so any pigeon who sits on my balcony will see his reflection in one of my mirrors and probably will think that there is another pigeon there already and will try to avoid contact. They don't like to fight and always give space to each other I think. 

   I am still do not have enough mirrors to cover all my balcony but most territory with mirrors they try to avoid. I still need two or three mirrors and then as my friend says - I need put some coffee and cookies so my pigeons can have a party there. But seriously I think it works nicely. I have much less invasion on my balcony and they all try to avoid mirrors. 

   Do you think it's a good idea or am I totally nuts?

What to do with homeless people?

 

   We have so many homeless people on the streets of London, Ontario that it becomes unwelcome even to walk on some streets around downtown, especially near the building where I live now. You better look at the sky instead around you. May be you'll see a flying saucer as on my photo that was made a couple of years ago  - just a 'flying' street lamp I call it.
   I moved to a new place in December of last year. This new place is bigger, better(warmer for sure in winter) and everything is better but this area is full of people who by their look are homeless and spend all their time on the streets or around soup kitchen. And we have constant broken windows around especially if that business is closed .
   I don't think we as a civilized society (are we?) have to have so many people who look unhealthy, dirty, lost and abandoned by society and themselves and totally not capable to take care of themselves. But what as a society can we do? Good question. My friend suggested to collect everybody who lives on the street and send to North Territories. But I don't think this solution is adequate. As a matter of fact it has been done in my old country too. Authorities would collect people they don't like and send to Siberia to survive if you can (happened in years 1930 and up). Most of them just died there. If we need to eradicate homelessness we need something better and more civilized. But what?
   Most of those people are young and should have some help from their parents or somebody else I think.We should be able to have some jobs available. I don't know if it's possible to organize jobs with some positive result as that problem becomes bigger every day. Soon I will be thinking about moving somewhere else if  we are going to have them more and more in this area. Some are probably on drugs judging by their behavior, some are just gave up on normal life.

   And what is normal life?
 As I understand this first of all you have to have your own place to live. Rented or not it is still yours if you take care of it and pay for it. It is yours and you do not have to live on the streets as it is not save and not comfortable and not healthy but for some reason accepted by so many people right now. I am not saying rich people, please, give your money to poor, no, that has been done in my old country at one time with terrible results for society, but we cannot have people living on the streets, we should not, not ever.
   Is there any solution for that problem? I think we have to analyze what they do in other countries and may be adopt some of their ways of dealing with homelessness. Lots of shelters is not a good solution either. You have to have your own place to live in and take care of it and be proud of it. Even as I said it's just a rental place as not everybody can buy a house or an apartment. And if you are sick and cannot live alone, you should live with somebody who can help you. Again society has to help people, not just throw money on them as many people don't appreciated that anyway and spend money wrong way - on drugs or endless lottery tickets hoping to win big. And then they go to soup kitchen and to shelter because they do not have money to buy food or pay rent.
    May be we have to start teaching at school how to avoid homelessness so at least future generation will be smarter and more adaptable in our society and will be able to create normal life to themselves. May be we should teach kids how to buy food you can afford and pay rent. Some people don't know how to do even that. And then we do not have to boarder our windows anymore. Will it be nice?

Why I left Toronto and do I regret it?

From my files - flower that blooms in winter every year

   Today I want to talk about that unlucky people who do not have enough money to buy their own place where they feel at home and where they can live happily after that. Unfortunately I belong to that category too. I never had enough money to buy my own place and though at one time my husband and me had our house that brought us nothing but lots of debts and lots of unnecessary worries and I don't want to talk about that now.
   Let's talk about renters.
    I've been living in Toronto, Ontario for many years since my emigration to Canada. Different years but not very happy some of them. Well, everything was okay until I got sick and could not work and could not afford my two bedroom apartment anymore. And I could not afford one bedroom or even bachelor any more. And my 10 years waiting for subsidized place did not give me any results. I was told by authorities that I need a paper from my doctor that I will die in a year or two and then I might get a subsidized place of my own. How do you like that? My doctor did not give me a paper like that. So I had two options - to kill myself right away or to move outside Toronto where I can pay less for my place.
   I tried Oshawa, Barry. I still naively thought that I can live close to Toronto. No such luck. It was difficult for me to travel around after stroke, as it took me almost 6 months before I was able to walk again - more or less. I found one place in Hamilton but I did not like it as it was in a rather noisy area close to downtown. I did not want to live on the streets so I kept looking.
   Finally I found an apartment in London, Ontario that I was sure I could afford and moved there. It was the best decision for me and I think for anyone who is not working for some reasons that kind of move can be a good decision as rental prices in Toronto are close to astronomical now and go up every year. Of course if you have a good job and can afford Toronto it's one thing. But if you are struggle every month to pay your rent, you have to think about it and may be move from Toronto for good. Life in Toronto brings more fun but can you afford it?
   Nowadays we have Internet and phone to keep us connected to people we love so distance is not a problem. It's just a habit as I think - to live in a certain place and of course - there are some problems living in a small city. You still have to have a certain income, pay your rent, and in a large city there are much more places to go and see something interesting. Lake Ontario is a great attraction too. I miss it here in London. And there are not enough doctors here in London. Other than that - not much difference. Lots of quiet places, green and comfortable here if you find a right place to live. I am okay and no regrets at all regarding my move. I am happy here.

Should we be hungry and homeless? What do we care about?

Summer in Stratford, photo by me. Like my native town - small and cosy.

   I grew in a small town in Latvia. As in any small town people knew each other. My mother was an ordinary schoolteacher. She taught some elementary school kids until she grew tired of it, got another diploma in mathematics and started teaching high school kids; it was more difficult and more rewarding.
   She knew most of the people in our town. After 35 years of teaching, you could say that she taught 90% of population of our small town. She was very good as a teacher, and kids and their parents loved her. She always tried to do her best professionally and to help students in her class to succeed. My mother never had much money (teachers at that time in my old country were paid very little). But, if a student in her class did not have a winter coat and his parents could not afford to buy, she would go and buy it for him/her and pretend, that school bought it for him. She did not want any personal gratitude, just to help. It was not fair for a child to be cold in winter.
   Society was very poor at that time. People struggled just to survive. There was no social help in any way. If you are sick and cannot support yourself and your children that means, you are pretty much down the drain. It is very nice, when society gives sick and needy people a lot of support, the problem is human nature, I think. If you can get something for nothing, you start abuse it and then there is not enough for those  who really need it. You would probably say: what’s your point? Well, I cannot help thinking: In that nice and clean and civilized country I live now we have such a diversity of social positions and such abundance of everything. Just go to the nearest shopping mall with lots of lights, sea of colors and smells and things you can buy or taste or just enjoy looking at. Among all that abundance why there is still hunger and poverty? Is it our negligence or helplessness? Where are all our numerous charities? Is somebody really helping people? I do not know.
 When my kids and I came to Canada I had just $5 dollars in my pocket and we really struggled at first. Never ever anyone from a single charity came to us and said: here you are guys, here is some relief for you, some help for your kids. But they where knocking on the doors very often, asking to give money for charities! Well, we survived, we never lived on the streets homeless or without food or clothing. I worked any job I could possibly put my hands on and I am not bitter now, just curious. May be I do not understand something, may be I am too stupid or naive. I do not know. But same as my mom I think it is terribly unfair, when money goes first.
   Nobody in a civilized society should be hungry or homeless, or abused, never mind what circumstances are. It looks like in this country if you have a problem, you have to cry pretty loud before somebody will hear you and even louder before somebody will listen. Again it probably sounds too pessimistic and bitter and I do not want it to sound like that. Still correct me if I am wrong.
  People used to worry about their reputation. Now they are worried about their credit score! As long reputation. Now they are worried about their credit score! As long as your credit score is above 680 and you are paying your credit cards off on time, you are a good person. You can rent a nice clean apartment with air conditioner and nice view. You can even buy a house, even without a down payment sometimes. You can buy or lease a nice car with good loan attached to it. With a new car you can find a nice new job if you try. The rest is to follow. Okay, another scenario: your credit score is bad, very bad. You somehow made a terrible crime: lost your credit for some reason.You cannot buy a car: they do not want to give you a loan. Of course you can always buy some old rusty junk on wheels, but what about your image? You cannot possibly go to a good well-paid job driving that falling apart piece of you know what, can you? You see my problem, I am sure. Money somehow always scores. You cannot rent a good apartment, they checked you credit score: no, sorry. Money goes first and nowadays credit score goes before that. You have to be “clean”, or society is not going to trust you.
 So where is the way out? Some suggestion: rob the bank; poison your rich uncle (no uncle? Get big insurance on your husband/wife and make it look like an accident), pretend that you have money, work 2-3 jobs at once, die working, or get a stroke like me, do not buy toilet paper, kick your kids out when they are 16-teen, let them take care of themselves, you have enough worries of your own! Have 10 credit cards, pay 20-30% interest on time, check your credit score every month, sue your neighbor, sue Tim Horton’s, sue somebody. Pretend that you are sick and feeble and get disability and work 2-3 jobs at the same time under the table… Did I miss something? No? Good. Is there still some place left where you still can talk about enjoying life, about pride, dignity, generosity? You are not interested? No time for that? I thought so. Thank you. Have a great day and don't forget to check your credit score and your bank balance at the end of the week.

How to survive when your life takes away everything from you, even lemons...

   Now it is summer of 2019. I was seriously ill, have been at the hospital for some time, almost said good bye to my life but here I am still alive and kicking. Life goes on so far and so is my blog.
   What should I write about? I want to speak about difficult times. What should you do when bad things happen to you? And they do happen sometimes unfortunately.
   When my husband had a stroke at 2006 I  thought my life was over. In a way it was. That life I had before was indeed over but a different one started. When you are still breathing and walking you have to do certain things, you have to survive. Even if you think you cannot tolerate your life anymore. But you have to survive if other people depend on you. You get up and go and do what you have to do and when you cannot stand it anymore you just ... write poems. That's what I was doing then. I would sit or lie down with a piece of paper and a pen or pencil and I would write limericks and do not ask me why. It was my way out. My tiredness and negative emotions would dissolve in my creative outburst and my creative outburst would give me some relaxation. Funny how life turns around unexpectedly sometimes.

There lived one old dame in Siberia,

Every night in her dreams she saw Beria.

Doctor gave her some pills, after swallowing that

She was dreaming about her young neighbor instead,

That silly old dame from Siberia!

   That creative writing helped me to survive my husband's disease, my 3 jobs I had to have before I started getting disability payments for my husband and lots of other stuff your broken life presents you with. I could start smoking or drinking as some people do when they have unbearable problems in their life but instead I created something that normally I didn't do and couldn't do.

There lived that peculiar Miss Yvette,
 She imagined herself as a pussycat. 
She grew up some whiskers and sewed up a tail, 
Tried catching a mouse and completely failed, 
That unlucky cat, Miss Yvette!

Recently I found those limericks and collected them in one place on my computer. They remind me about bad times but for some reason I cannot delete them. So, what do you do when your life takes away everything from you, even lemons? You create something you've never had before. It's not lemonade but might help. It helped me for sure.

Winter is so close, be ready.

Yes, winter is very close. I used to love it. Winter means snow and holidays, skating and skiing and throwing snow balls at your friends and so much more. Winter is like a different world and not just weather.
    I grew up in a small town in Latvia with not much traffic or pedestrians. I could get out of my house, put on skis and just walk to the river that was not that far from my house and I ski there on its snowy banks. On a very cold month part of the river became frozen but I was never allowed to skate or ski there and I understood from early age how dangerous river can be, even if it looks frozen and safe. And we had a good skating rink in town and I used to go there though sometimes I just skated on a frozen road near my house that was almost as slippery as a skating rink but much more dangerous because of traffic.

   In my country at that time they did not put salt on roads just sand and you could always see if road had sand on it or not. Of course less traffic means less sand and more ability to skate there or ski on a side of it. Children always find ways to have some dangerous fun and parents have to work.
   In summer all I usually had was 3 months of holidays - no school, that means swimming, sunbathing and lots of reading. I usually read all books that were assigned for the next year for your reading at school, other books that I liked to read and sometimes when my parents would send me to my grandparents to the country where there was no books other than some old gardening books - you can guess. From early age I knew how to grow fruit trees at least in theory - I would read anything if there is nothing else to do.
   In winter it is quite different. After lots of outside activities in snow it's so nice to stay in a warm place with a book and a cup of tea. I still like it, I mean the second part, staying outside and playing with snow is not for me any more. I still try to go out and walk but here in London, Ontario we do not have a lot of salt on the pavements and the prospect of falling on a slippery road does not give you much needed enthusiasm.
    I am not a big fan of gyms but something needs to be done this winter. Last winter I fell once on ice - very lucky I should say as I had some bruises but nothing was broken and I like that but you cannot wait for luck every time, you have to work for it. Anyway. Warm hats are ready, warm coat is in the closet, boots, gloves,scarfs - lots of scarfs any size and color. All we need some snow and frost and adjust our activities according to season. And if you do not have time to enjoy winter everyday, find time on your weekends to do that. It's just another season and a long one in our climate with its good day and bad ones as any other season. Please, try to enjoy it. I will.